he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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