was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
