I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
