We need to rekindle our bromance
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
