Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
