the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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