phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
