dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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