why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
