Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
