paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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