A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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