she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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