I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
