too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
