just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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