You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
