I'm going to jail i love you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
