did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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