I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
