dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
