In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
