I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
