who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize