He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
