do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
