If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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