i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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