Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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