we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
