Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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