I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
