yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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