opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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