i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
