Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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