He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
