Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
