Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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