just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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