Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
