trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
