my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so let's talk penis.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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