I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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