now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i would punch a child for taco bell
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
