Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
