When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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