In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
