omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
