Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
