i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
