I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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