Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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