saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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