do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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