we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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