I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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