After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
