Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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