she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
