Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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