your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
