The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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