Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
two words: eviction party
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
pray to the hookup gods
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
