Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
