May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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