and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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