Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
