someone threw a dead crab at me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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