Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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