I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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