There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
