so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We have started to decorate penises.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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