Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
