If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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