Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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