from now on my penis is your penis
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I lost the right to judge tonight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
